The gym, a moron's meeting place!

As you can tell from my catchy title I have joined a gym. I recently realized that it was time to try to get back into shape. I started with a diet and lost 70 lbs, and I know some of you are thinking bullshit, but it's true. The next step was to join a gym. After carefully considering my track record of joining gyms and never going, like an idiot I signed up for more torture. After a few visits to the gym I came to the conclusion that gyms are just not my cup of tea...and here's why.... Gym's attract douchebags and morons and in some cases moronic douchebags! It's not to say everyone that goes to the gym is this way, but there exists a serious population of morons at this place. Now maybe the lack of food from my diet has made me easily irritable or it's the fact that I HATE MORONS!! there are several types that particularly get on my nerves.............. 1. The musclebound freak with the fake tan The only thing this man loves more than his own reflection is sleeveless t-shirts. Sure, we all wouldn't mind toning up or putting on some muscle, but this guy's artificially tanned muscles are his full-time job. After hearing the guy go on about it for 20 minutes or so, we don't feel so bad for putting a video game controller in our hands and watching our body turn to dough. This has got to be a mental illness, a male inverse of anorexia, except this disease lands you in a sideshow for freaks instead of the fashion runway (Yes, we know not all top models are anorexics. Some just do coke). Researches believe that the roots of both self-perception disorders come in early adolescences. While girls are dreaming of lounging poolside in Barbie's dream house, men want to be tearing down Cobra's infantry as a G.I. Joe. Seeing the sculpted action figures sets up an unattainable goals for young men,after they become rippling man-beasts. Let's all take a minute to thank the parents of these impressionable youths for going Joe instead of Ninja Turtles, or our society may presently be plagued with mutant reptilian half-breeds roaming the sewers. These guys walk around the gym complimenting each others "delts" or "Lats".........

2. The peacock This asshole usually rolls in during prime workout hours when the gym is packed and has either a faux hawk or some form of spiked hair that has half a tube of alberto styling gel in his hair. Not only does that shit get all over the equipment but it stinks when you are next to it trying to workout. these guys walk through the gym in their wife beaters, ed hardy or tapout shirts and occasionally do a set and usually have a protein shake, then try to pick up the women. It actually pains me to see these half-wits swaggering through the middle of the free weights area like male peacocks, puffing out their chests, permanently shrugging their shoulders like they have a syndrome, and holding their arms out wide to the side as if they were carrying a small pig under each one. What they are trying to do is con you into thinking that they have huge muscles. Any person with a brain can see they are full of shit. These same same pricks fill up their protein shakers at the only water fountain in the gym: Th Douchebags. I don’t know what pisses me off more—the fact that most of these special people probably don’t have the faintest idea why they’re ingesting extra protein in the first place or that they’re completely unsympathetic in the extreme to the needs of the person who is actually working out, who is no doubt being deprived of much needed water while they’re pontificating over what type of protein is best and whether taking creatine is ‘cheating.’ And what are fat burners anyway? Save that shake for the changing rooms you poser and quit purposefully ‘flexing’ every time a hot blonde strolls by in her Juicy tracksuit. It doesn’t impress them, and you look ridiculous!This isn’t helped by the fact that they seemingly haven’t had access to a dictionary or indeed any form of education for the last 18 or so years, so all you tend to hear are phrases like ‘sick, yo man, brah!........ . The phone talker:

Pretty self explanatory, these are usually the same guys or girls who jabber away on the phone when in line at the grocery store or the license bureau. these people are so afraid to be alone that they have to talk on the phone at all times. I realize they are doing it so joe friendly won't talk to them, but seriously dude, I don't want to hear you tell your pals about your car or anything else, shut up! this same annoyance can cover those pricks who sing along with their ipod out loud! This isn't american idol, and it's not karaoke night at the cock n bull. You suck, your choice of music is terrible, do you realize how hard it is to workout when you have to listen to some tone deaf person belting out the words to latest justin bieber song?..........

.finally the locker room naked guy

This guy is a prize, now i know it's a locker room, people get changed and showered. Everytime I go in there it seems like there is always one or two guys who think it's their livingroom. I swear they spend all day in there taking showers and trying to talk to you, probably works at a nightclub as a bouncer or something. It's usually one of those guys with the huge upper body and the tiny legs. I mean, what's the deal with that? Tell me where in the international texts on bodybuilding/nightclub security does it say that you must possess the upper body of arnold schwartznegger combined with the lower body of an underfed giraffe? They are always close talkers too. This guy wants to know your life story, and how long you been working out there etc. He'll stand in the middle of the locker room talking about his ingrown toenail as everyone wishes he won't bend over and touch it. He inevitably does and nobody wants or needs to see that! Despite all these guys I guess the gym serves a purpose, for me it's trimming down some unwanted weight, and for others it's hanging out with naked men in a lockeroom. For soccer moms to get together and gossip and for people to get so big they can't tie their shoes or wear a suit.