Get a life!! get out of the emergency room!

Now, let me start by saying this is purely an observation. It is based on 3 different occasions, rather than recount all three stories I will summarize what I took from them.
Is it just me?, or are the emergency rooms full of ridiculously weird people? I'm talking a shade above retarded here! I guess it depends when you go I guess. This story starts with a trip at about 1am to the emergency room for a very bad cut on my hand sustained while squeazing a pint glass at a bar after realizing how god damn stupid the bartender was.....I won't get into that today. So here I am gushing blood with glass chips sticking out of my wrist, ...cool right??...no way, I feel like an asshole as I have to scream through a stupid thick glass window with a hole the size of a golfball, similar to prison visitation, at least in prison they can talk through a phone. Repeating myself over and over again as the color changes in my face. Do I have a hospital card??...WTF!! I have a medicare card!!! what is this a fucking library!! or a private club!!....no I don't have it!! but I have been here before! look it up!! "Sir we don't have you here" .....well then I guess I am imagining things!!
Here is a lesson, don't lose your hospital card, you might as well be a farm animal looking for treatment!! after I go through the process of getting a new card, and the receptionist sees the blood stained whole roll of paper towel soaked through on my hand. She has the balls to tell me
"you know, you really shouldn't use white paper towels on a cut like that! there is a lot of chemicals in that paper!"....
I think, hmmm good to know.....she hands me my card and tells me to go sit down.....are you serious??? I guess she wanted me to peel off my shirt Rambo style and wrap it around the hand...
The next time I go to the hospital, it's because I have incredible chest pains. At the urging of my co workers I go to the hospital about 12:30 am, this is 3 months after the hand situation....Now, I'll admit, I should have had the damn card, but I came from work, and the card wasn't in my wallet, I took the damn thing out because the lady last time stuck an appointment sticker on the back of it and now the paper was curling and sticking to my other cards in my wallet. I walk in there hand on my chest like I'm dying, and tell them I have very painful chest pains, I even used the word "acute" when describing the pain, that usually gets the nurses moving.....well....nope, this was the layed back shift. Nobody was moving, they don't fear death over there. As I sit in pain in front of the glass window once again listening to the receptionist lecture me about my card, I fade away and begin thinking about the feeling I would get from swinging a sledge hammer through the window, perhaps a bat or even an ax!! ripping my shirt off and turning green like the hulk, and then running through the halls in my bare feet and jean shorts!...I snap out of it and go sit down.
The third trip was not even 3 weeks later, I was in total agony from an attack of gout, those of you who do not know what Gout it, let me tell you, It is something you would not wish upon your worse enemy, trust me...if you don't believe me find someone who suffers from it, and ask them?....This time I had my card, everything was ready to go, they have my medical history, my meds and everything, I just need a refill on my pills. The pain was so bad , I had not slept in 3 days. I figure, this should be a simple trip, see the doctor, then, boom , he writes the prescription (which is not an addictive narcotic) not a painkiller of any sort. It is a pill designed to flush the acid from your body, dissolving the gout. So I was not some junkie looking to score some percicets.........
nope, doctor did not believe I had gout, who the fuck does he think he is? Had I possibly been misdiagnosed by specialists, my family doctor and others along the way, the last 5 years since I have had this , they were all wrong, and this lowly night shift, emergency snot nosed, german jerkoff doctor thinks I don't have gout and that it is tendonitis or bursitis. So he sends me for x-rays and blood work!!! except it's like 3am now!!!......

I do not normally go to the hospital, in fact, before these three trips, it had been almost 8 years. Some things never change though.....What I'm talking about, is the waiting room!! This cesspool of germs and misery has not changed in half a century at least. I am a people watcher, so I guess I can get entertained..... again, these 3 visits have made me come to these conclusions, I have built this in my mind, but all from fact.
The waiting room....is like the price is right. Once the room is filled up, everyone sits, tries to avoid eye contact, some others pretend to sleep as to not talk to anyone. Then there is chatty cathy! Every waiting room has her, she won't shut up, has never heard of whispering and has for some odd reason a very good knowledge of the room. She knows where the bathrooms are, the coffee machine, parking payment machine, wheel chairs etc.. She also likes to guess, an old man stands up in the room (it's inevitable) he reaches in his pocket and jingles some change, but he looks confused (as most old men do) he looks left and then right. That's her signal,
"looking for the vending machine??"
a startling voice is heard over the silence of the sick and injured. Annoyed yet polite, the old man nods, she leads him half way there then returns to her seat. Of course tells the person next to her upon sitting down how she couldn't find the vending machine her first time in the hospital too. Poor guy perhaps was just looking for a newspaper...... Someone limps to their seat, there is chatty cathy again..."you should take a wheelchair" ...startled that this stranger is talking to them, the person responds with a shake of the head as if to say "o no i couldn't"... cathy is already up and pushing it towards them and making them sit in the chair, even though the person visibly wants to tell her to go fuck herself. This exact scenario happened twice, once to a kid and once to me. Kid was practically crying after she opened the foot stirrups and told him to put his foot there.(or was that me??) Why do we listen to her?? because it's after midnight and we're tired and vulnerable, and to oblige is easier than conflict. The room is getting tighter as more and more people enter, nobody is getting called, the one doctor is "in emergency surgery" ...hmmm. my ass, he's probably eating in the back or taking a nap. As time ticks on, the un easiness of the crowd begins to show, a concerned mother, asks how long it will be, the triage nurse tells her to fuck off basically. A few older lonely looking people just come in and sit down, as if to hang out. Cathy is scoping out the room looking for anyone to make eye contact with her, that one person is asking for it. Cathy zeros in on someone and out it comes, the complaining, the "i've never seen anything likes this speech." she points out, some of the sick and injured, singaling them out and apparently diagnosing them at the same time..
" look at this boy, clearly he has broken his ankle, or look at that poor woman, she appears to have a massive migraine, i mean come on!!
give her some aspirin. Cathy will then go to the woman , and ask her if she would like an aspirin? (like that will help)
you know what would help her headache cathy???
if you would shut up!!! too late though, Chatty cath as I like to call her, is knocking on the prison window which by some miracle withstood my sledge hammer attack from earlier and she is bent over yelling into the golfball hole asking for aspirin for a patient she doesn't know!.....Now she has everyone's attention, they are looking at her, some want to kill her, some out of boredom. She has made a friend, the eye contact has made the other person open up... this other person was looking for the moment to talk, because she is clearly a hypocondriac(please excuse my spelling, not a word I use often) Every waiting room has one, usually 8 out of 10 times, it's a urinary tract infection. I gotta sit here now and listen to these two morons discuss the fact they BOTH! have UTI (as they call it) I take note of all the different hospitals they are talking about, maybe it's me, but I'm 30 years old and I have been to maybe 5 different hospitals in my entire life. these people have been to hospitals in new york city, paris, australia, calgary and quebec city. to name a few.. I'm about to lose my mind when.......it's price is right time!! you thought I forgot?? here 's how it works, they cram the waiting room, from midnight to about 230 am, everyone gets anxious and impatient. Then doctor shows up, the nurses have put the cases in order of priority. Sorry to say Cathy, but your last!! She knows though, so she makes herself comfortable. The P.A. goes on, everyone turns intently, false alarm, just paging a nurse. At this point everyone is on their toes ( except the kid in the wheelchair)...it goes off again, says a person's name, and the smile comes over their face, either for "it's about time" or they are happy to get the hell away from chatty cathy. They get up and head towards the triage door, like rod roddy just told them to "come on down!! you're the next contestant on the price is right" it's like they won the draw.
But Wait!!! They come back and sit down,... burn!!! the nurse just takes your blood pressure and temperature and asks you aout your medications and allergies. What a jip! Once you are through Triage, then the evaluation starts, if your ailment is serious, they call you right away, if not, you wait...To watch the minutes go by as people realize they are not important despite the pain they are in,
Is absolutely priceless!!! When your name is called everyone in the room looks at you like you are the chosen one!!! all that, to go in for sub par medical treatment and not much more answers than what you came in with. Just a let down all the way, You endure the painful wait, at least give me a great look over and a fucking lolipop. Next time I go to the hospital, it better be on a gurney.