Online dating: it's a rollercoaster ride!

In this my first blog, I chose a subject not too controversial, online dating. It's growing popularity is remarkable when you think about it, hundreds of sites, millions of people on these sites and yet the results are not too different than a bar. There is site for everything now, regular sites, sites for the big and beautiful, sites for black people, sites for sexual encounters, asian, jewish....you get the picture. Now I decided to give a certain popular site a go after recently being "relieved of my duties as a boyfriend after 4 and a half years of a relationship which took up my late 20's from 25 to 30 years old. At 30 I found myself single and starting over, first thought was go to a bar, maybe meet someone. I am a partyer from way back but even I can read the writing on the wall, that game has passed me by. I feel like a former star forward goal scorer on a hockey team who can still play a bit but has been relegated to the 4th line. Sure I can still put the puck in the net once an a while when given the opportunity but the playing time is very slim, and you spend most of the time on the bench watching the younger guys scoring the goals. The majority of your playing time takes place at the ends of games when the game is already wrapped up. You get the garbage mop up time......This is how I felt going to a bar looking for a woman. It's a young man's game, not to say that I am old, because I am not, however it's hard to compete with them for the available women. Usually the chances you get to score are late in the game or night I should say, the competition is much more scarce yet the women that are left are not always te best catches. It's like scoring a goal in the last minute of a game when your team is already up 6 to 1. Sure you scored, but it's meaningless and doesn't always make you feel proud and not neccessarily something to brag about or remember........So there has to be something else, where are the women? Especially the ones my age. Where you ask??? why,..... didn't you know??? they are at home sitting in front of their computer in a housecoat and slippers drinking a coffee or tea with their hair tied up and no makeup on. They are scanning through men like a delivery menu. So I figured , what the heck am I wasting my time at this bar for, let's get out of here and get online.

After being online for less than a day I had met almost a dozen women. Great for the self esteem, one of them wanted to meet immediately. I was nervous all of a sudden. , wasn't sure what the protocol was in this situation, I obliged and we set up a meeting, where else?? in a bar. On a saturday night!



So here I am, I figure at least I am meeting her in a bar, this used to be my specialty. The problem is, this invite was a very non chalant invite . My inbox had a message in it from Lynn, Heading downtown tonight? call me 555-5555.... So I call her up, she says to come meet her at a new downtown bar/club/lounge whatever. She's already heading there when I spoke to her. I live a good 40 minute drive from there so I scramble up and look in the mirror, I look good, real good. I have on my favorite shirt and jeans, The beard is trimmed I'm all set. A little spritz with some AXe and I'm out the door. I fly down the highway with a giddy sense of anticipation like a kid on christmas morning or a frat boy at a keg party. I know she is hot and I have already chatted with her but actually never met her, I start to run through my mind what I will do when I meet her, will I give a hug, like old friends, or should I give her the traditional Montreal 2 kisses on either cheek. Perhaps a wave and a wink, or maybe a handshake.....a handshake???!!! not a good idea, now I just went from confident to worried, what was I getting myself into? Once I get there I go to the part of the bar where she said she would be and as I stroll towards her I realize that she is there with her friends. Of course she is! she was on her way when I called her, what if I had said I couldn't make it, she was going anyway, I am an afterthought......Well now, I feel much less wanted. I start to think back, and now I realize that her message was a return message, I had previously casually asked her what her plans were for the weekend. Maybe she only invited me to be polite. Too late now, I'm commited, she sees me.......wow it's hot in here, the sweat beeds up on my forehead, I hope she doesn't notice, I hope I don't get any on her as I kiss her cheek. I say hi and kiss her cheek and she glances at my forhead, shit, she sees the sweat, she must think I'm a slob. So I meet her friends, 3 girls and 2 guys... her three girlfriends all greet me very nicely, a confused look on their faces on who the hell I am, but still pleasant. One of the guys is a boyfriend of one of the girls. The music is so loud, I cannot here their names and after making them repeat themselves twice I decide to pretend I heard. The other guy is the "guy friend" you know him, the guy who stays friends with a broad and acts like a big brother all the while secretly in love with her. He glares at me like a dog would look at another dog going near his food. there is 6 of us now, only 5 stools, so the happy couple basically share one, then the solo girl and then Lynn who is sandwiched with her douchebag guy friend. Finally there is an open stool on the outside of the group next to the douchebag. I am hot and sweating and decide to sit down and order a drink. notice a sign on the back wall that says no debit or credit....what the hell kind of bullshit establishment is this? cash only! wow, well they must have an ATM, I have about 60 bucks on me, since I was rushing there I figured I would get some cash or pay by credit card, no ATM's either.... So I got 60 bucks, I hope we do not take turns buying rounds. So I order my drink but first ask if there are any specials, of course douchebag hears me and I see him thinking I'm cheap becase I asked if there were specials. So I get my drink and I turn around on my stool, this guy is totally boxing me out, his back is to me and I'm on the outside trying t be part of the conversation. Impossible, and after about almost 20 minutes not saying a word to anyone, I decide to get up and stand near Lynn and face her as everyone else is facing out away from the bar. As I get up and move I get a wiff of something way too familiar...It's my ass stink, swamp ass has set in from the sweat and I realize I have been wearing these jeans all day and I also remember that this is the second time wearing these jeans between washes!! what a terrible oversight. I pray nobody smells it, but the smell is like a very loud guilty sign around my neck. I pray that Lynn does not smell it. The embarassment just makes me sweat more. All the sweat is turning my royal blue dress shirt into a navy blue dress shirt under my armpits , on my chest and on my back. Paranoia sets in, is my breath ok, is that B.O. I smell,? I need to make a major power move if I wish to land this chick. I strike up the conversation, begin with small talk about the club, commenting on music, crowd etc. Then all of a sudden , the cock block comes out, "who wants to dance?? let's all go dance" says the douchebag. Lynn gets up and says ya let's go and flies out onto the dancefloor. The rest of the gang follows, I decline because I am not typsy enough for that yet, and I am covered in sweat and stink, dancing would be a disaster. I want to hit the bathroom and towel off and maybe rub some soap on my crotch to mask the smell, but I can't since I was not dancing the girls left their purses at the bar, so I was watching them and the seats. So finally they come to sit down anhd I shoot to the washroom. As I am pissing at the urinal, the douchebag comes in. we share a glance through the mirror, I feel obliged to say something, so I mutter"wow, hot out there eh?" He follows with a half hearted laugh. I feel like telling him if he hasn't hit it yet he'll never get her. I refrain because I don't need this guy to have more ammo against me, he will for sure go tell her what I said. He finishes before me, which is a fast piss (clearly spying on me) probably checking to see if I am doing coke in the bathroom or something. he leaves and I use the hand dryer to try and dry my shirt. I head back to the seat, and I see the "gang" about to take a shot, douchebag's treat but they forgot me! so they order me one, but the bartendere is busy so they end up taking the shot without me. Finally may shot arrives and I slam it back alone as I fake cheer the group who are prepping to go dance again.

Now they are dancing and I am sitting, Lynn waves me over to dance, I have to go now otherwise I am there for nothing. So I get out there and the group is dancing in a circle, and in no time the cicrle closes in and I find myself dancing on the outside of the group pretty much alone. After a while dancing alone staring at the back of the douchebags' head, I motion to Lynn with the karate chop to the throat, basically the "I'm done " signal. So I head back to the bar and pay my tab. I tell Lynn that I have to go, I make up an excuse that I have to work early the next day and that I have to drive. I get the hell out of that burning raging hell fire. Down the street I go and into the first restaurant I find and order a poutine and like 4 hot dogs. I continue to wolf them down and as I'm eating my poutine I drop a glob of sauce on my shirt. I finish eating though. After I'm done pigging out I untuck my shirt and head to the bathroom to clean it, upon exiting I notice Lynn and her friends in line ordering food, only one thing I can do, bow my head, and walk out dirty shirt and all and ignor if they see me, and never speak to her again...........Boy am I glad I turned to online dating instead of the bar scene! I guess I'll be deleting her from my matches!